What dreams may come?

Chronicling my Dreams- (still thinking)

I see weird dreams...almost every day. Did so as a child. They have come back to me, in great numbers of late. "So why don't I chronicle them", I thought. Not easy. I will keep it to a few lines and words where possible. Might elaborate ones that merit it. Always unsure whether to share them or not. (If you are reading this here, I did!)

Some of my previous ones have led me to action, while some I lose with Time. They do stay with me for a while, though.

Let me see, what dreams may come...

Day 1 (April 9-10)

Around 0500 hours (that is when I woke up)

Father, few more from family, in car...leading to an unkown house. Climbing up stairways. A lady cooking in her kitchen; resisting/staring initially, only to hug later. Rest of the family leaves by car. Scenes still (at the time of penning these down) vivid.

Day 2 (April 10-11) //in decreasing order of time of day//

0630 hours (that is when I woke up)

Leopards, stairways, and vaults. Way up a dark alley, more stairways, and blindling sunlight at the end of stairway. Scenes still (at the time of penning these down) vivid.

Around 0300 hours (that is when I woke up)

Dead from distant family (relation) leading me up a stairway. To another "supposed" dead...in family. Scenes still (at the time of penning these down) vivid.

I am muddled in the head...

It is yet another day, and no, I am not one to live life as if it were a dreary chore.
But I am muddled in the head...so much so, that I don't know what am I to do, whether I should speak to people, if I must do what I want or what I am expected to be doing.

My head is whirring with a thousand (perhaps that is an understatement of sorts) thoughts...about life, and death, and the futility of it all.
About relationships (of any kind and form), about work, about anything and everything that qualifies for 'anything' in this life. And then there is the 'next'...

Like the past two posts, this too goes live sans proof reading...my head and mind, both refuse their office.
If you are reading this, perhaps you understand or have been through such a phase yourselves. If you have not, you just might some day...i find myself ending up 'searching' for ways to cheer up on the WWW. My head is clouded, perhaps shrouded...I feel I am lost.

Here's to everything and anything that qualifies as a confounding factor in life, everyone and anyone who has ever been confounded ( more often than not) by life, death, and everything in between...

It is this whiz and whirr I hear,
It is not my mind, or head; It is just Fear;
I do not even know if it is so, for fears don't baseless-ly show.

I am shocked and shut,
Too tired to think, I say;
I am confused and confounded by Life, and Death, and everything in between,
Too numbed and muted by it, those and them; too lost in translation.

There is this uneasy gloom that o'erhangs,
As if there is something abrew...I am inert, to everything and everyone,
'Ere long, I hope it will melt away or is that making a wish too soon?

I feel this heaviness weigh me down,
I can feel it as I would an iron slab o'er me.
I lose a beat or two every now and then, and I also lose some peaceful sleep.

Quietened me all this has,
For I know not where to begin,
All my irrational acts I think,
Are a mechanism to just coax me to break this jinx.

Yet, here I am,
All confused and confounded;
Yet, here I am,
All the more dumb-founded.

As I pen this little piece, I hope it all ends,
As I share with you my thoughts,
I hope I don't turn insane;

I'm sighing and breathing heavily,
Yes, that I just did.
As long as , these tricks, just loosen the lid.
I wish to shed a tear or two,perhaps to make myself feel at ease.

This sense o'er-hanging my heart must be sent packing with haste,
I look forward to sunny days and not let this Life go waste;
Here's Hope and a prayer for peace to my mind,
All I know is that my Maker is rather kind;
He will tighten the hold only as much as I can bear,
For as they say, "If He has put you in it, He will see you're out of there!"

Death, Be Not Proud !!!

Oh! There are so many things that i would want to write on...the sad story is, that each time i log in to my account, i am left thinking for 'what-precisely-should-i-write-on?' !!
I had this urge last night, to write on Death. Reasons: best -known to me, and I have just decided that I am not going to share them here...
However, Death, it is!
Different things to different people- that is how i define 'Death'.
To a child, the loss of an important cornerstone of her life; to an adult, the loss of companionship/friend; to an artist, the loss of a pioneer/champion to the cause; to a soldier, the moment-of-truth of his duty; to a student, the fear of losing an opportunity to learn from the one who left; to a musician, a subject he can pick to express his talent on; to a celebrity, yet another/maybe final brush with the paparazzi; to a conman, a chance to con yet again or a turning point in life, that results in him never conning anyone anymore; to a protege, the loss of a guide and mentor...this could go on...each one of us can interpret it the way we want to.
To me, it is not a force, but , 'how do i put this?', ah! 'a subject which never ever fails to draw my undying attention to it!!'
I would lie to all of you if i say that i am strong enough to remain unaffected by what 'Death' does to people around me...that i remain composed when i lose a loved one. Yet, every bursh with it lends some 'strength' to cope with it. So while it is tears and denial in the first few minutes, it is courage to face the truth in the rest of the next that follow. And there have been times, when this barrage of strength gives way, and the over-bearing human nature to weep takes over, and then, tears do flow. So much to let myself know, i am human ;) !
Drawn to Death eversince i got to know what it means/does not mean, I have sought to understand what it is all about. My writings, my expressions, my talks, all bear an impression of my ummm... not inclination, but certainly, interest/will to stand tall before it!
Death serves like an 'experience'-the more you get to witness it from close quarters, the more 'used-to' you get to it and its dark ways. Yet, each time you get back to the 'living' faster than you did the last time.
Death teaches!!
It teaches us to let go, to rejoice while we have the time, to cherish wonderful memories of those who have left us, and the oft-quoted truth, "nothing is eternal. Life and our existence upon this Earth is ephemeral."
The human spirit is 'elastic'...and it rebounds, after each such brush with this snubber! and as they say, life goes on...
As far as my thoughts go, the only befitting end to these thoughts is here, in the very words of John Donne:

"Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppie, or charms can make us sleep as well,
And better then thy stroke; why swell'st thou then;
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die."