What dreams may come?

Chronicling my Dreams- (still thinking)

I see weird dreams...almost every day. Did so as a child. They have come back to me, in great numbers of late. "So why don't I chronicle them", I thought. Not easy. I will keep it to a few lines and words where possible. Might elaborate ones that merit it. Always unsure whether to share them or not. (If you are reading this here, I did!)

Some of my previous ones have led me to action, while some I lose with Time. They do stay with me for a while, though.

Let me see, what dreams may come...

Day 1 (April 9-10)

Around 0500 hours (that is when I woke up)

Father, few more from family, in car...leading to an unkown house. Climbing up stairways. A lady cooking in her kitchen; resisting/staring initially, only to hug later. Rest of the family leaves by car. Scenes still (at the time of penning these down) vivid.

Day 2 (April 10-11) //in decreasing order of time of day//

0630 hours (that is when I woke up)

Leopards, stairways, and vaults. Way up a dark alley, more stairways, and blindling sunlight at the end of stairway. Scenes still (at the time of penning these down) vivid.

Around 0300 hours (that is when I woke up)

Dead from distant family (relation) leading me up a stairway. To another "supposed" dead...in family. Scenes still (at the time of penning these down) vivid.

I am muddled in the head...

It is yet another day, and no, I am not one to live life as if it were a dreary chore.
But I am muddled in the head...so much so, that I don't know what am I to do, whether I should speak to people, if I must do what I want or what I am expected to be doing.

My head is whirring with a thousand (perhaps that is an understatement of sorts) thoughts...about life, and death, and the futility of it all.
About relationships (of any kind and form), about work, about anything and everything that qualifies for 'anything' in this life. And then there is the 'next'...

Like the past two posts, this too goes live sans proof reading...my head and mind, both refuse their office.
If you are reading this, perhaps you understand or have been through such a phase yourselves. If you have not, you just might some day...i find myself ending up 'searching' for ways to cheer up on the WWW. My head is clouded, perhaps shrouded...I feel I am lost.

Here's to everything and anything that qualifies as a confounding factor in life, everyone and anyone who has ever been confounded ( more often than not) by life, death, and everything in between...

It is this whiz and whirr I hear,
It is not my mind, or head; It is just Fear;
I do not even know if it is so, for fears don't baseless-ly show.

I am shocked and shut,
Too tired to think, I say;
I am confused and confounded by Life, and Death, and everything in between,
Too numbed and muted by it, those and them; too lost in translation.

There is this uneasy gloom that o'erhangs,
As if there is something abrew...I am inert, to everything and everyone,
'Ere long, I hope it will melt away or is that making a wish too soon?

I feel this heaviness weigh me down,
I can feel it as I would an iron slab o'er me.
I lose a beat or two every now and then, and I also lose some peaceful sleep.

Quietened me all this has,
For I know not where to begin,
All my irrational acts I think,
Are a mechanism to just coax me to break this jinx.

Yet, here I am,
All confused and confounded;
Yet, here I am,
All the more dumb-founded.

As I pen this little piece, I hope it all ends,
As I share with you my thoughts,
I hope I don't turn insane;

I'm sighing and breathing heavily,
Yes, that I just did.
As long as , these tricks, just loosen the lid.
I wish to shed a tear or two,perhaps to make myself feel at ease.

This sense o'er-hanging my heart must be sent packing with haste,
I look forward to sunny days and not let this Life go waste;
Here's Hope and a prayer for peace to my mind,
All I know is that my Maker is rather kind;
He will tighten the hold only as much as I can bear,
For as they say, "If He has put you in it, He will see you're out of there!"

Watch Out---They are speaking unto you!

It is well said, that this Universe sends out signals to you for everything that happens or is about to happen. When you are to set on a journey or even a run (be it a marathon or a short sprint) you get signals. Whether you choose to receive them is entirely your prerogative...or even Destiny is what I would like to believe! Nay, I am not one of those who sit hoping against hope and doing nothing; I do not even keep blaming and framing destiny/fate all along. However, I am a staunch believer in Destiny and Fate. Of course, we must put in the best we can and keep at it...yet, there comes a point, when all we can do must cease, and we must sit back and watch D and F play their part. Who pulls the strings? The Almighty, of course!!

I have learnt (learnt or rather assimilated/inferred from Life) about it everywhere- books, stories, anecdotes, past experiences of people, and in many more ways than these. I might have ( on second thoughts, have!) been through such experiences myself, when I had a foreboding/intuition/gut feeling/happy premonition (if I may call it thus) and more to that effect.

Here is one such "experience" I wish to share with you...
Not to sound vain or naive for that matter (for different reasons, albeit), I must confess that ever since my childhood and through my early youth, I have been spoken of owing to my writing skills ( ;) Aye!) and a penchant for language/literature. As a child I would read extensively, pick up new words and use them at every possible instance, so much so, that my teacher would advise me to "take it easy" and "use a few new words each day, yet, sparingly, and only when they suit the context". I took heed, though at times I would indulge!! :)
Time flew by and I learnt how to use them wisely (or so I would like to believe...not that the usual indicators revealed otherwise...), so I marched on!
College saw me drawn towards literary activities just as school did. Post graduation saw me a tad tamed, however, not without people around me taking note of my writing abilities and proficiency in language (if I may say so). My soft skills professor ensured to praise my skills, and did not forget to caution me to "keep writing, even if it means a para a day", for this skill like all others, and like a weapon dulls with lack of utilization (read practice).

Ah! Let me not give the notion that I talk of English here. Hindi too had me in its throes. Be it literary pursuits or writing. However, with time, as Hindi started to play the proverbial second fiddle for the medium of instruction became primarily English, I will not blame you to understand that what I tell you now shall be more in context of the latter.

Professional life saw me try and get most of this passion for literature and language to the fore as and when possible. A few took note. My friend from college has always been kind to me for she keeps motivating me to write something- a story, a novel, an essay, my thoughts, anything- for she believes I will do fair justice to it. Oft' we have discussed the possibilities. Each time she says I can do it, I blush and smile, and keep smiling, until she does not stop praising me...and says, "to cloud none and back miss!" :D

I wrote in the interim. A few short stories, a few passages, paragraphs, essays, articles on random topics, a few lines (each time I felt the pangs of passion/ the frolic of mirth/ the gloom of death)...all this while, waiting and hoping for the day I would set my thoughts to pen down a few consistent pages that made sense, or even no sense.

One day I started this blog...and a year later, one more friend suggested, that I must write. She went on to praise me and how did I revel in it, I cannot describe! We were separated by quite a few miles, yet, I am sure she was receptive enough to feel how I gushed at such praise! :)

Then, one day, my sister sent me something that required me to write a novel in a month's time-religiously, I worked at it. This was a perfect opportunity I could ask for. I sat and penned down words furiously. Sometimes with a story line and at times without one/ The objective is to write, keep writing in fact, the website read. Write I did. Endlessly. Whether or not the story is complete is another matter altogether. Whether this narration is effective or interesting is not much of a bother. What matters to me is that if any one you reading this has been through this, or is going through this, you have an ambition, a dream, a thought- watch out, prepare, sharpen your tools (skills), and look for such signals. When your time for the big action will arrive, you will surely know in more ways than one!

Keep the faith!!

PS: While my college friend (Perseverance/Motivation) has been a constant support and reminder to whet my writing skills, the professor ( Faith/Caution) showed me the way with his words. The other friend (Reaffirmation/Trust) who suggested I write well and must write something consequential, reaffirmed my faith in myself, and my sister (Catalyst/Harbinger of opportunity) was the one who catalysed it all (of course, she too had faith in my abilities, for why else would she share the bit of information with me otherwise?).